Kids ought to come with coupons

People, (and you know who you are), sometimes ask us, "Isn't it expensive to raise a large family? "

We reply, "It certainly is. Can we have a donation?"

Of course it's expensive, but I didn't know how much until I went on the internet. According to MSN Money, having kids is way more expensive than we knew. They conducted some survey and discovered the cost of raising kids based on all kinds of data called "facts," and according to these facts, the more money you make, the more you will spend on your kids. Also, single parents will spend more on their kids than married parents. The reasons for these are obvious, but I'll point them out anyway. If you make more money, you have to keep up with the Joneses because they have kids, too. If you are single, you have to keep up with your ex-spouse's spending on the kids so you look good, too.

So, how much does it cost to raise a child? The website says it'll cost us about $249,180 per child. If we multiply that by seven, we get $1,744,260. And even though I am a teacher, we still don't have nearly that much money! Whatever shall we do?

Obviously, we economize. Lisa is a real coupon clipper. (She's not one of those coupon fiends you see at VG's with every coupon in individual pockets, even for things they don't even use.) But she can make some excellent buys with her coupons. We also shop at Sam's and buy in bulk. Bulk only makes sense if you're buying for a large group; otherwise, it's wasteful.

We are also big into hand-me-downs. Actually we have gotten a lot of clothes from families in which a pair of pants or a skirt has had only one owner. Yesterday Lisa was showing me a pair of pajamas that is being worn by its fifth boy. Talk about your recycling!

We save a lot of money because we don't have any child care expenses and because we homeschool our kids rather than sending them to a pricey private school.

Of course, we are going to have to cut back on some things. Our children are going to have to work if they want cars. Dad cannot afford cars for them. They can stay at home rent free and eat for free, but we are not going to be able to put them through college. (We cannot possibly live now, save for our retirement, and save for college.) Also, our kids do not have cellphones, their own TV's, their own computers. Our older daughter does have an expensive violin, but she worked for it and bought it with her own money. (I do, however, pay for private violin lessons for both girls.)

I'm not exactly sure how they arrived at the figures they did. It is interesting to note that this survey was conducted by the US Department of Agriculture. Maybe they have kids confused with cattle.