Lisa vs. Martha and Rachael

Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray have made a fortune showing us how to do all kinds of clever things in the kitchen and in the garden. But has it ever occurred to you that they are performing these wonders without any kids around? They can leave hot or sharp things out without worrying about little hands getting burned or cut. They can plant flowers in already immaculate gardens. The decorations they make and hang on Christmas tress will actually remain on the trees. But I want Martha or Rachael to keep up with the mother of a large family for a week.

On Fridays, for example, our family doesn’t eat meat, and usually everyone wants something different. Sometimes Lisa will make a cheese pizza for us all, but usually Friday is her most challenging day in the kitchen. Some will want pancakes, with or without eggs; others want grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. The little boys can still have meat; so she will nuke a few chicken fingers for them. (This short order kitchen is all taking place in 6x10 of floor space!) Then there is all the chaos caused by beverage choices. Sometimes the kids have wolfed down their food and are clamoring for dessert by the time Lisa has even had the chance to sit down to her meal. It often reminds me of the mother in that movie A Christmas Story who stops eating her meal to fill her family’s plates: My mother hadn’t had a hot meal to herself in 15 years.

Yeah, it’s not as pretty as the set on Martha’s or Rachael’s show, but I think it takes a lot more talent and effort. We don’t need goose liver paté and doilies; we need cheap ground beef and Bounty.

I think Lisa ought to have her own show. Maybe Martha and Rachael could learn something.