Music + Chaldeans + Guns = Fun

With seven kids, it's important to keep them occupied. So we try to make sure that they have something positive to do. For the girls, Teresa and Gabby, it has been easy. They both really like music, so we got them started at the Flint Institute of Music, where they both play violin. Teresa has been playing for 10 years, and Gabby for five. They are both in an orchestra, and they both also play in quartets.

For Matt it wasn't so easy. He has no musical talent whatsoever. We tried karate, but he didn't like that. But he does like the youth group at church. We attend Our Lady of Lebanon Maronite Catholic church. They are Catholic, but most of our parishioners are of Lebanese or Chaldean (Iraqi) descent. We are not Middle Eastern at all, but we love the people and the food! Even though Matt is the only white boy in the group, he fits in with the other kids. He has been especially adopted by the Chaldean families.

The little boys are too young to get involved in much without us, although we are letting Mikey and Mark try music at the FIM this summer in their Summer Fun with Strings program where they let kids try violins, violas, and cellos every day for two weeks, and it costs only $50. (That's how our girls got started.)

One thing we all enjoy is shooting. We have bales of straw in the backyard for BB guns. Lisa and the older kids and I like to go out to Williams Gunsight and shoot the real thing. We always stress safety, and they don't get to shoot real guns until they demonstrate consistent safe practices with a BB gun. If they fool around, they immediately lose privileges, and they don't want to do that.

The trick here is not to let the kids get bored. Bored kids are dangerous!

Funny meeting you here

So I have been spending every day down at Genesys Hospital, tending to my dad. We still don't know how things are going to go. We keep praying. But the unusual thing is how my dad's situation has brought some people into my life that I haven't thought of in years.

I graduated from Powers High School, the class of 1982. I don't know about you, but I have hardly kept in contact with anybody from high school. Life happens. Then my mom tells me that Jeannie is one of my dad's nurses. Jeannie is Lori's sister, an old friend from high school, and she also happens to work at Genesys. So the next day I see Lori again after almost 30 years. And guess what. She is married with six kids! (Lori also mentioned a few other Powers graduates from the class of '82 with big families. Paishann has six, while Jim and his wife have five.) Anyway, when this is all over with my dad, Lori and her husband and their brood are going to get together with us and ours.

It's hard for us to get together with other families. We can be overwhelming, and it's not really fair to split the cost of hamburgers or pizza when it's seven versus two. So we tend to socialize with other large families. It's not unusual for us to have four adults while 12 or 13 kids are making lots of noise. (That's why we always have wine with dinner.) Our friends with large families like to come over because they know our house is child-proofed and that we don't have breakables on display.

The only couple we know who like to come over even though they don't have kids is my best friend Rob and his wife Julie. They can't have kids of their own, so they come over to our house for a dose of activity. (Of course, they can always leave.) It also helps that they are godparents to two of our sons. This makes them family.

Anyway, it's funny how life has a way of separating people and bringing them together again.

Amazing Lisa

Little did my wife Lisa realize what her life would be like when I walked into it. We met 25 years ago this September in an anthropology class here at UM Flint. (The class was so pathetic, she was thinking of dropping it.) Anyway, I saw her at the first class session and thought she was cute. So I made up my mind to sit next to her for the next class and talk to her. We got to know each other in class for a couple of weeks, and then we went out on our first date. After dating for four years and being engaged for a year, we married in December of 1990.

Oddly enough, our first baby didn't come along for over two years. (Not for lack of trying.) She used to wonder why she wasn't getting pregnant. (She doesn't wonder about that now.) Ever since our first in 1993, they have kept on coming. She has been pregnant for 63 months of her life; that's over five years! (For the record, she has never experienced morning sickness even once!)

Having the babies is one thing; taking care of them is quite another. I couldn't begin to hazard a guess at how many diapers she has changed, loads of laundry she has washed and dried, or how many meals she has prepared. (Yes, I change diapers. No, I don't do laundry. I can cook if I have to.) On top of everything, she has always home schooled our kids. She didn't have to do all this. She earned a college degree in computers. She chose this life.

I asked Lisa once if she regretted her choices in life. After all, I don't think she foresaw all this. Would she have liked a career? Would she like to do smoothing else after the kids are grown? But she said that she is content with her life and that she can't think of anything else she would rather do. Now that's love.

I am glad she didn't drop the anthropology class.

What I learned about God from my kids

I was born and raised Catholic. I have always gone to Mass every Sunday. From fourth grade through twelfth I went to Catholic schools. I do all those Catholic things that shock or mystify non-Catholics like go to confession and pray the Rosary and have statues of saints. But despite my thorough Catholic upbringing, there were some things I didn't learn about God until I became a dad. Every once in a while, I will say something to my kids and realize that God, as a father, says the same things to us, His children.

For example, I often say, "If you had done (or avoided) what I told you, you wouldn't have this trouble now." Along with that, I might say something like, "I'm not trying to keep you from having a good time; I'm trying to help you." I think about God's commandments and how people think He doesn't want us to be free to enjoy our lives, but how many people in this world would be better off today if they had followed "the rules" a little more closely?

My younger daughter is 10 and always thinks she knows better than her parents. If I ask her to do something, she will do it her own way or do something different which she thinks is better. Then I have to say to her, "That's not what I asked for." We deal with God that way sometimes. We think that we know better than He does, when we would be much better off if we would not try to control every aspect of our lives. Like any parent, God wants us to give Him the benefit of the doubt, based on age and experience, even if He doesn't explain his plans at the time.

Another thing I have to say to my kids a lot is no. Just because a child wants something, it doesn't mean it's good for him or her. My little sons often want things that are harmful, and as a good dad, I have to say no. Of course, they don't like this, but that's the way it has to be. So it is with God. There's an old line that goes like this: God answers every prayer, but sometimes the answer is no. Even if my kids don't understand at the time why I say no, it is for the best, and I hope they will understand in time. We have to give God the same courtesy.

I have also realized how patient we parents must be. When our kids do something bad or wrong, we expect them to change right away and never do it again. Yet we sin, ask for forgiveness, and fall into the same patterns as before. If we want God to be patient with us, we have to be patient with our kids.

Jesus told us (Matthew 18:3) that to get into Heaven we had to become like little children. Maybe this is what He meant. We have to trust God that He knows what He is doing, and whether He commands or forbids us, it is all out of love and that we, as His children, must accept it. And why not? We expect the same from our children.

Do large families beget large families?

Yesterday at church I saw George and his wife Kelly. We don't see them too often because they live in Clarkston, but they come up to Flint on occasion because his dad attends our church. George and Kelly have six children: four boys, a girl, and then another boy. The oldest is 16 and the youngest is two. After Mass, George and I got to talking (because we have a little something in common), and he told me something that really surprised me. He said that when he and Kelly had first gotten married, they hadn't wanted any children at all! But then his wife decided that if they were going to have any, they should get started and have them early. Once they started coming, they actually enjoyed it. He did admit that he would be happy to have had just five, while Kelly would have gladly had eight.

This got me thinking about the children of large families. Will they go on to have large families of their own? George is one of six, and he had six, but I think his brothers and sisters have three or four each. I am one of four, and my wife is one of two. We began this journey with no particular number in mind. My older sister is married to a man who is one of 17 children. (Yes, seventeen.) None of the seventeen rival their parents, but a few have 10 or 12. I'd say the average runs about seven or eight per family.

Of course, we are all practicing Catholics. That does not mean that we have to reproduce like rabbits. If there are serious reasons to space children, like joblessness or health issues, we can practice Natural Family Planning (NFP). It actually does work, (when we follow the rules. We just throw caution to wind sometimes.). Other than that, we are simply open to the possibility of creating a new life. It is our belief that this is the most complete form of the giving of oneself to another.

But I was wondering about our own children. Do I hope that my kids will have large families? My main hope is that they will be open to however many God chooses to send them, whether it is one or a dozen. I think that some people can be just as militant about having kids and s
ome are about not having them. I think a child is a gift and a responsibility, not a right.

I think that some young people who come from large families are put off by having a large family of their own because they saw how much hassle and hard work went into it. Oftentimes it seems that only-children or people from small families are the ones who want a brood. My wife and I can influence our children's attitudes about family by letting them see in the everyday things that we do that we are glad they are in our lives and that this is what life is truly about.

For the record, I'd like a big bunch of grandchildren!

A true teacher

My dad’s name is Bruce. He was a teacher in the Flint schools for over 30 years . Way back when, before he became a teacher, he worked in the shop for a summer. He hated this job because he said all the other guys could talk about was sports, cars, and women, so he ran out of things to talk about after an hour. For a while, he worked as a milkman, which was a job he liked, but still he wanted to teach. Besides, no one uses milkmen anymore. Back in the 60s he spent a couple of summers as a ranger in Glacier National Park in Montana. He loved that, but there again, he was taking people on hikes and teaching them things. He has always loved learning new things and sharing them with others.



At home, my dad would always teach us kids something. Remember those big roll-down maps teachers have in their classrooms? We had a set of those, and Dad liked pulling those maps down and talking to us about some place we had just seen on TV or read about. I couldn’t say how many books he recommended to us. We used to like reading hard words out of the dictionary to try to stump Dad, but he seemed to know them all. Most of all, my dad loved trees. We would go for walks, and he would explain how to identify and differentiate trees by their leaves.


Since Dad’s retirement 20 years ago or so, he has spent a lot of his time teaching us about the Bible. He has stressed the importance of regular reading of the Word of God and how to try to live it. On more than one occasion, he has told us that it is absolutely essential for us to read the Bible. (I read it every day now.) And not just us. Dad is always willing to talk about the Bible and Jesus wherever he goes, (especially at the YMCA when he used to go down to exercise). He says that we should never be ashamed to share God with others.

My dad has been on a ventilator for about a week now. He’s almost 82 years old and has pneumonia. We are not sure if he will live or not, but we are praying and trying to remain hopeful. Because he has these uncomfortable tubes down his throat, he has to be sedated heavily. So he can’t talk to us. We talk to him, and I think, through the fog, he knows we are there. But even though he can’t talk to us, I think he is still teaching us something.

Dad’s illness and possible death are, to me, like the summary of a lesson. By thinking about his current situation, it makes us examine what is important: faith, family, living a life of service to others. These are the things that matter. And his teaching will go on. We are passing on these lessons to our own children. How many of us in our 30s and 40s catch ourselves saying and doing the things our parents did? In my dad’s case, that’s a good thing.

Whenever he goes, he will leave behind a good wife and mother, two sons and two daughters, 15 grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.



(He has told me countless times how blessed he is to have so many grandchildren.) He leaves a legacy of having taught thousands of other children, not his own, and some of whom still contact him by phone or letter to say that they still remember him and how to identify a tree or the names of the bones. I think even the young people at the Y will miss him. Dad is truly a teacher.

Boys or girls: which are easier?

Parents magazine asks whether it is easier to raise boys or girls. We have two girls, Teresa and Gabrielle, and five boys – Matt, Michael, Mark, Tim, and Stephen. But I have wondered what it would be like if we had the opposite, five girls and two boys. What if we had Terrence, Maddy, Gabriel, Michelle, Marcella, Tina, and Stephanie instead? How would our lives be any better or worse?

Boys seem to require more maintenance early on. For example, it is our experience that boys are harder to potty train than girls, and girls seem less prone to wetting the bed. That means that girls smell better than the boys, too. Girls would also save us money on diapers and pull-ups and the time we spend washing bed linens and stinky boys.

Life would be quieter without all these boys. Our sons seem to have two volume levels: loud and full-blast. That makes their choice of conversation topics sometimes unfortunate. Little boys find words like poop and pee and toilets hilarious. If we had more girls, these would hardly be regular topics of conversation and the cause of raucous laughter.

Our house would be neater and fewer things would be broken if we had more girls than boys. We have to remind our sons all the time that they are not to have light saber fights in the house. We also have to remind them to pick up all their toys. Currently we are having a problem with army men scattered throughout the kitchen and dining room.

On the other hand, I think it would be more difficult to have more girls than boys as they got older. Eventually, I would have four teenage girls. In such a case, our two bathrooms would not be adequate. I would likely have to resign myself to brushing my teeth out in the yard, holding a cup of water.

Girls would be more expensive. They need more healthcare and beauty products than boys do. For example, my older daughter has two bottles of shampoo and two bottles of conditioner for some reason. She also has a variety of soaps and washes. Conversely, my oldest son uses some product which acts as shampoo, conditioner, and moisturizing body wash all in one.

Girls seem to need more clothes and the accessories that go with them. It seems that just about every month my wife has to take Teresa out clothes shopping because she doesn’t have one of this or that item. My younger boys have worn or will wear almost all the clothes that their older brother has worn. My girls, because they have different builds, will wear almost nothing the same.

So what are we going to do? My wife and I have come up with a plan we think will work. We will see if there are any families who want to trade our boys for their girls for the next few years. When they hit the teenage years, we’ll take our boys back.

Aiding the foolhardy

Even though you may have only a couple of kids, chances are you know of a big family – maybe from your church, your school, or your local mental health facility. And even if you and your spouse are not quite as foolhardy as those of us with big families, you could still do lots of things to help. Here is a list of ideas big families might appreciate:

Take a few of the kids to the park or to a movie.

Offer to babysit for an evening and let the parents get out. (We’ll be so appreciative, we might feel sorry for you and come back.)

Bring over a pizza and some salad. Just make sure you bring enough.

Don’t give toys at Christmas or on birthdays. Chances are, we already have three of whatever you bought. Rather, give gift cards to Meijer or Wal-Mart.

Don’t give gifts that make noise or come in many small pieces. Please don’t give stuffed animals. If there’s one thing we have more of than kids, it’s stuffed animals.

If you’re a relative or close friend, you could help out with a little housework sometimes. How about throwing in a load of laundry?

If it has been awhile since your last baby was born and you miss holding a little one, come on over and rock a baby.

If you don’t know any big families, but happen to meet one in a store or on the street, avoid stupid questions like these: Are they all yours? You have HOW MANY kids? Don’t you know there is a population explosion? Instead, say things like this: What a nice family you have.

Offer to drive someone somewhere.

It’s OK to give us bags of your old clothes, but please make sure there are some similarities in sizes, ages, and genders.

If you own a business, welcome bigger families. Appreciate their business.

If the parents take a drink sometimes, a nice bottle of wine or some beer might not be amiss.

If you can’t think of anything to do, just ask if there is anything you can do to help.

We’re not sorry to have had a large family, but a little friendly help is always welcome.

It's a two-kid world

Unless you have at least three kids, you probably have not noticed that we are living in a two-kid world. What do I mean by a two-kid world? I mean that businesses favor two-child families. For example, many restaurants offer free or reduced-cost meals with one paying adult per child. So unless we bring Grandma and Grandpa, my sister and her husband, and the widow lady next door, we don’t qualify for the kids-eat-free meals.

My kids saw a commercial for the Great Wolf Lodge and thought it would be great to spend a couple of days swimming and splashing. Not only did it sound like a lot of fun, but I thought we might be able to afford it because I had heard that hotels were offering great rates due to the downtown in the economy. It turned out that even with a suite, nine people was too many and that we would have to rent two suites. Moreover, even with their lower rates, it was still going to cost over $350 a night.

At Hungry Howie’s or Little Caesar’s, the family-sized pizza is not enough. We often have to buy their family package and then some. Lately we have been going to Sam’s Club and buying three of their LARGE pizzas, (which are actually large). It costs about $25, but at least we all get enough to eat.

Airlines also discriminate against the child-gifted. We have never flown anywhere as a family because we don’t qualify for enough of the half-price fares. We can’t even be bothered to win a trip in a contest. They always say we can “win a trip for a family of four to X.” What are we supposed to do, leave the others at home?

If we want to go somewhere, we travel by car – two cars, actually. We have a Chevy Venture, which holds seven, but we are nine. Last summer, we thought about renting a 12-passenger van so that could all travel together. I called the major car rental companies. Only one could even locate the size van we wanted, and that company charged so much it was cheaper just to take both cars.

A few months ago I stopped by a Chevy dealership to see what it would cost to buy a new van. I thought maybe there would be some cash-back deals or special financing rates. There were, but not for vans. The salesman told me that they didn’t offer special deals on vans because “people who need to buy them, buy them anyway.” (He wasn’t quite accurate. We still take two cars everywhere.)

It’s not that I blame these businesses. They might lose money if they gave big families a break. Or would they? Maybe large families are an untapped market. If more businesses catered to big families, maybe they would be able to get out more often for dining, entertainment, and travel.

Large families are not public freak shows (except on TLC)

Why are TV shows about large families popular? Do American women want to emulate these mothers? Do American men hanker for more kids? Maybe more of you do than I realize.

When people hear that we have a large brood, they want to know if we want to be like the Duggar family or Jon and Kate Plus 8. Please! This may sound funny coming from me, but Lisa and I think those Duggars are nuts. I think they have 19 kids now. Well, I'm all for a big family, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I remember once I was watching Mrs. Duggar in the hospital after she had just had Baby #16, (I think). And she was talking about how eagerly she was looking forward to Baby #17! Having babies is not a contest. Besides, after a woman has just had a baby, the last thing in the world she is thinking of is conceiving. It seems to me that the Duggars are having them just to have them. Here's an idea: Take time to get to know the ones you have. (And what's up with giving every kid a name starting with J?)

As for Jon and Kate, they had a set of twins and then a set of sextuplets. I don't think it was such a good idea to take fertility drugs when you already have demonstrated a tendency toward multiple births. Then they put the family on TV like some kind of freak show. Then Jon, I guess, feels neglected by his stage-wife, so he runs out and has an affair. (That's good for the family.)After the parents and kids are dragged through the slime, the show is pulled, and Jon and Kate divorce. Now I hear that Kate is going to have her own show with the kids sans Jon. Jon should have kicked the film crew out of the house after the first week.

(For the record, I have watched the Duggars only a few times, and then I got sick of them. I have never seen Jon and Kate; I just know what I have heard and seen on the commercials.)

So, would we want to be on TV like the Duggars or Jon and Kate? No, thanks. That would mean we would have to vaccuum.

Kids ought to come with coupons

People, (and you know who you are), sometimes ask us, "Isn't it expensive to raise a large family? "

We reply, "It certainly is. Can we have a donation?"

Of course it's expensive, but I didn't know how much until I went on the internet. According to MSN Money, having kids is way more expensive than we knew. They conducted some survey and discovered the cost of raising kids based on all kinds of data called "facts," and according to these facts, the more money you make, the more you will spend on your kids. Also, single parents will spend more on their kids than married parents. The reasons for these are obvious, but I'll point them out anyway. If you make more money, you have to keep up with the Joneses because they have kids, too. If you are single, you have to keep up with your ex-spouse's spending on the kids so you look good, too.

So, how much does it cost to raise a child? The website says it'll cost us about $249,180 per child. If we multiply that by seven, we get $1,744,260. And even though I am a teacher, we still don't have nearly that much money! Whatever shall we do?

Obviously, we economize. Lisa is a real coupon clipper. (She's not one of those coupon fiends you see at VG's with every coupon in individual pockets, even for things they don't even use.) But she can make some excellent buys with her coupons. We also shop at Sam's and buy in bulk. Bulk only makes sense if you're buying for a large group; otherwise, it's wasteful.

We are also big into hand-me-downs. Actually we have gotten a lot of clothes from families in which a pair of pants or a skirt has had only one owner. Yesterday Lisa was showing me a pair of pajamas that is being worn by its fifth boy. Talk about your recycling!

We save a lot of money because we don't have any child care expenses and because we homeschool our kids rather than sending them to a pricey private school.

Of course, we are going to have to cut back on some things. Our children are going to have to work if they want cars. Dad cannot afford cars for them. They can stay at home rent free and eat for free, but we are not going to be able to put them through college. (We cannot possibly live now, save for our retirement, and save for college.) Also, our kids do not have cellphones, their own TV's, their own computers. Our older daughter does have an expensive violin, but she worked for it and bought it with her own money. (I do, however, pay for private violin lessons for both girls.)

I'm not exactly sure how they arrived at the figures they did. It is interesting to note that this survey was conducted by the US Department of Agriculture. Maybe they have kids confused with cattle.

Children: the fountains of youth

One of the unexpected benefits of children is youth. A few years and kids ago, I was playing on the floor with some of them. I went to get up, and I complained to Lisa about my knees being a little creaky. She made some crack about my getting older, and I said, "You shouldn't talk. You've still got 10 years until menopause!" She said, "Oooh! I didn't think of that!" Then we went on to have three more kids. Sure, some days we feel like we're getting too old for this, but most of the time the kids are the reason we stay young(ish) and energetic. We can't slow down, even if we wanted to. And how can we be old with a seventeen-month-old?

My mother-in-law had her first grandchild when she was 48. Lisa is about six years away from that. When Lisa is 48, our youngest will be in second grade, and our oldest will be 22, (and too young to give us grandchildren). We will still be taking kids to music lessons, doing homework, attending sporting events, and keeping up with the current trends in technology and entertainment because of our kids.

I show a show about groups of people who on average live to be 100 or more. One place was in Japan, one in Russia, and one in Greece. There were various differences in diet, exercise, and alcohol consumption, but the one thing they all had in common was that they all kept moving. They were all busy and active. If there is one thing a big family will do for you is it will keep you moving.

Most people tell Lisa and me that we don't look or act our ages. My older sister is 58 and has five kids, and she looks at least ten years younger than she is, too. Maybe it's just good genes, but Lisa and I don't have the same genes.

The Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon is famous for having trudged around Florida, searching for the Fountain of Youth. He never found it. Maybe he should have just stayed at home and spent some quality time with Mrs. de Leon. I'm just saying...

Matt walks in where angels fear to tread.

I am really proud of our son Matt. Last night our two daughters, Teresa and Gabby, had a violin recital at the Flint Institute of Music. So our choices were to drag four hot and tired little boys to an evening of classical music or leave them at home with our 14-year-old son to babysit. Most teenage boys would have said, “No way! You gotta take them with you. I’m not watching all these guys.” But we gave Matt the choice, and he opted to stay with them.

We are often in this predicament because we no longer all fit into one car. Our larger vehicle is a Chevy Venture minivan. When we bought it, we had only three kids, but there was room for seven, so we thought we were “safe,” even if we had two more kids. When we had our sixth, we were still OK because Lisa could take all the kids with her as long as I wasn’t with them. When we had our seventh, Lisa would have to leave somebody behind, and typically that was Matt because Lisa was taking Teresa and Gabby to their violin lessons. Matt’s little brothers adore him, so they always choose to stay with him. So by necessity Matt has learned how to take care of a bunch of little kids.

The little kids he takes care of are Mikey (7), Mark (5), Timmy (3), and Stephen (17 months). Even though they love Matt, that doesn’t keep them from being themselves. Mikey can be a whiner. Mark is jovial, but raucous. Timmy is stubborn and often won’t eat. Fearless Stephen climbs on furniture and tries to jump off. Many times they are almost too much for their mother and me to handle. But Matt selflessly (or foolishly) sent us on our merry way at 6:30.

When we got home a little after 9:00, poor Matt was worn out. However, all four boys had been showered, with the youngest in diapers. The dishes were in the dishwasher, the kitchen counter was cleaned up, and the floor was swept. The front room had been picked up. The little boys were ready for bed, waiting for us on the couch, watching some Star Wars cartoon. Even their teeth were brushed! Matt said he had “earned his snack.” (He likes to have some pretzels and pop while he watches TV.)

Parents can be proud of their children when they get an A on a test or score 18 points in a basketball game, and they should be proud. Matt is a good student and athlete, but I am even more proud of him when he can handle well some of the responsibilities of adult life. This is what we as parents are trying to raise our children to be able to do. In that, I think our kids have an advantage as a larger family because the older ones must learn to look out for the younger children. They will know what is expected required when they become parents someday.

P.S. Matt got his pretzels and pop.

Hot and steamy...........parenting

In these days of smaller families, people are naturally curious about bigger ones. The most commonly-asked question we hear is, “Are you going to have any more?” Actually, this is quite personal, but I know they don’t mean any harm. Still, it’s none of their business. I never ask anyone why they only have two and if they are going to have any more. I saw a website for bigger families once, and they had a section of responses, both serious and funny, when people ask personal questions. One snide question was, “Don’t you have a TV?” The response was, “Sure we have a TV, but all we watch is porn.”

Then there are all those things that people wonder about but dare not ask: Do parents of large families still enjoy sex? Aren’t they afraid of ending up with more kids? When do they find the time and energy? These are highly personal questions that I will be happy to answer.

First, do we still enjoy sex? Of course we do; otherwise, how would a family of six kids grow to seven or eight? If we weren’t willing or able, we wouldn’t have more.
I remember something a colleague of mine said after the birth of his second child. He was asked if he and his wife were going to have any more. His response was, “No! Two’s enough. We’re done!” I found his reaction remarkable because he acted as if something bad had happened twice to him and had to be prevented from happening again. (“I’ve had gallstones twice. That’s it! I’m having my gall bladder removed!”) From our perspective, having children is a natural consequence when everything is working correctly and naturally. (We are so green!)

Another time, I was in a grad class, and we all had to introduce ourselves. I mentioned that I had (at the time) four children, and one of the other male students said to me, “Man, what’s wrong with you?” I said, “Nothing, evidently.” I think he had only two. I wanted to add, “It’s not my fault you need Viagra or your wife doesn’t like you,” but I was too classy.

So when do we find the time and energy? Sometimes we don’t but where there’s a will, there’s a way. If anything, the lack of privacy increases spontaneity and creativity as to where, when, and how. When we can’t schedule some alone time, we have to take it when we can. This means we have to keep things on simmer a lot of the time so it’s easy to turn up the heat when the opportunity presents itself. (I was going to say when the opportunity "arises" but I thought that would be a cheap pun, so I left it out.)

Have you ever noticed how many articles in magazines and on line give advice on how to have more and better sex? Have you ever noticed how many TV sitcoms make jokes about how husbands don’t get enough “attention” from their wives? (Think of Everybody Loves Raymond.) To me this indicates that there are a lot of people out there who are unhappy with their love-lives. We have no complaints.

Lisa vs. Martha and Rachael

Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray have made a fortune showing us how to do all kinds of clever things in the kitchen and in the garden. But has it ever occurred to you that they are performing these wonders without any kids around? They can leave hot or sharp things out without worrying about little hands getting burned or cut. They can plant flowers in already immaculate gardens. The decorations they make and hang on Christmas tress will actually remain on the trees. But I want Martha or Rachael to keep up with the mother of a large family for a week.

On Fridays, for example, our family doesn’t eat meat, and usually everyone wants something different. Sometimes Lisa will make a cheese pizza for us all, but usually Friday is her most challenging day in the kitchen. Some will want pancakes, with or without eggs; others want grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. The little boys can still have meat; so she will nuke a few chicken fingers for them. (This short order kitchen is all taking place in 6x10 of floor space!) Then there is all the chaos caused by beverage choices. Sometimes the kids have wolfed down their food and are clamoring for dessert by the time Lisa has even had the chance to sit down to her meal. It often reminds me of the mother in that movie A Christmas Story who stops eating her meal to fill her family’s plates: My mother hadn’t had a hot meal to herself in 15 years.

Yeah, it’s not as pretty as the set on Martha’s or Rachael’s show, but I think it takes a lot more talent and effort. We don’t need goose liver paté and doilies; we need cheap ground beef and Bounty.

I think Lisa ought to have her own show. Maybe Martha and Rachael could learn something.

Shoes, cereal, milk, and toilet paper

There is a large breezeway that connects our garage to our house. It’s good that it’s large because it gives the nine of us the space to take off our shoes before we go in. That’s always the first thing that people notice when they come for a visit – shoes. There must be 40 pairs of shoes of all sizes for all purposes formal and casual. Sometimes they’re neatly lined up; often they are in a pile. (It depends if we know company’s coming over.)Sometimes at Wal-Mart I’ll see one of those shoes racks to keep shoes organized, and I think about how we’d have to buy about ten of them.

Then there’s cereal. Is there any food that kids love more than cereal? Pizza, maybe, except my little boys won’t eat that, but they will eat cereal. The other day I counted 65 boxes stored in our pantry in the basement. This does not include the open boxes in the cupboard above the stove. If it’s an especially popular cereal, we can go through a box in a day because not only do they eat it for breakfast, but they will snack on it throughout the day.

The cereal my wife buys the most is Cheerios, a General Mills product. Years ago I learned that General Mills was a corporate sponsor of Planned Parenthood. I thought that was strange. If I were the head of General Mills, I’d want families with lots of kids sitting around breakfast tables, eating my cereals. I wrote to them and asked why they were sponsoring Planned Parenthood. Their answer was unsatisfactory. So I wrote again, explaining what I saw as the illogic of their support. I won’t say my letters turned them around, but within a year or so they had stopped sending money to Planned Parenthood.

We also go through a lot of milk, seven or eight gallons a week. If you want to know who has the best prices for milk, call Lisa. A couple of years ago we had to buy a second fridge for the basement so that Lisa could take advantage of milk sales. We always have to keep a supply of chocolate on hand because Timmy, who is three, won’t drink any other kind.

The other thing I notice we go through a lot of is toilet paper. It’s probably a consequence of all the cereal with milk eating. We try to do our part to recycle, so we have taught our kids to not throw away the cardboard tubes from the centers of the toilet paper. The kids always leave them on the bathroom floor next to the basket. It seems like we have them next to the baskets every day – in both bathrooms!

Yes, with a lot of kids there are plenty of smiles, tears, shouts, and hugs. Those are the best. But it’s funny how the little things grab our attention: shoes, cereal, milk, and toilet paper. They're evidence of love, too.

Helping the economy

The President is trying to do what he can to help get the economy going again. I would like to suggest that every married couple who can should have another baby. Nothing gets money into the economy like having a kid. I think my wife’s ob-gyn drives a better car after each baby we have. Then there is the hospital itself, not to mention the pediatricians, the orthodontist, and the allergist. But it’s not just the professional folks making money off of us.

When we first got married, we lived in a one-bedroom apartment and drove a little two-door sedan. Then we moved to a two-bedroom apartment and bought a four-door family car. Then we had to buy a house with five bedrooms, and a minivan. After the sixth baby, we no longer all fit in the minivan, and we had to take two vehicles wherever we went. Currently, we are trying to figure out a way to buy a 12-passenger van so we can all ride together. When the seventh child was on the way, we added a bedroom onto the house. In the midst of a recession, we put a $27,000 addition onto our house. We had no choice but to spend the money, but we gave employment to our contractor, a plumber, an electrician, a team of drywall installers, and a bunch of guys who pour cement. I’ll bet they were all glad we were expecting.

The folks at Meijer love us. We spend as much on groceries as we do on our mortgage each month. I am thinking of having my paycheck deposited directly with them instead of the bank. I usually don’t have time for grocery shopping, but occasionally I would go with Lisa. Then I found out what things cost! So I quit going with her. Now when she comes home from the store, she’ll ask me if I want to know how much she spent. I always tell her no. It’s much better that way.
There is no recession when you have a large family. You have to spend the money. Single people or other couples with no kids can delay buying that car or doing that home improvement. But we can’t. We have to spend the money.

Mr. President, we are doing our part!

Bigger than average

They say the average family has 2.3 children. I am not sure what .3 of a child is, but it probably has something to do with statistics, and I never was very good at math. Anyway, my wife Lisa and I have slightly more than the average number of children – seven, actually – two girls and five boys, ranging in age from seventeen months to not quite seventeen years. We never planned to have a large family, but we never planned not to have one either. My wife says that we always said we’d have three or four kids, but we ended up with three and four kids. No matter. They are here, and we are glad to have them.

It’s funny the reactions we get from people. Most seem to admire us in a sort of wow-you-guys-are-so-amazing-we-wish-we could-do-what-you-guys-are-doing-but-not-really way. Our friends at church are glad that we have a big family. When my wife suggests to some of the women that they could have another child, they always say that they are too old. This amuses Lisa because she is older than many of them who say that.

Other people seem to think that because we have so many kids we are on the brink of poverty. When we go places like picnics or church gatherings, people tend to give us the leftovers to take home. Families with older children will drop off bags of clothes for our kids to try on. (Most of these clothes we pass on to the Good Will, but we appreciate the thought.) Our parish priest always tries to cut us a deal on the travel costs when our son goes with the youth group on a trip. I think it makes them feel better to believe that they are helping a large and struggling (in their opinion) family to make it in life.

Actually, we think that having a large family is a blessing that actually helps more than it hinders. If more people knew about the advantages of having a bunch of kids, they just might follow our lead, (but probably not).